Learning to live
10.09.2013 59 °F
While it feels like I have been here for weeks, it has only been 3 full days at Hogar de Vida. The days pass slowly, but I know they will speed up soon. I spend my mornings cooking meals, sweeping, wiping off tables and cleaning piles of dishes, but don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing all of this. Afternoons I take a nap and then play with the kids, cook supper for myself and two others, and then either go back with the kids or clean my "home" area and then get ready to sleep (One can never get enough sleep it seems).
The views are unbelievable, and attached is a picture of a stop we made while coming up the mountain on Saturday.
I am realizing that this experience is much different from what I pictured in my mind, and so it has been hard for me to live apart each day. I am learning to live in the moments of joy, frustration, physical pain, pleasure, laughs and tears. Yes, I knew it would be difficult, but I didn't expect this. When I visited Hogar de Vida in July of 2012, the moment I got here I felt a strong connection with the people, way of life, nature and experience. Now, as I am learning to live here for an extended period of time, I am feeling less connected and more frustrated. Let me get one thing clear, I am not frustrated with where I am at, but that I'm not feeling connected. When I got off the plane and was driven around Guatemala City all afternoon, it felt natural to me. Living here feels natural to me...almost too natural. I think thats what's getting to me. I don't feel challenged in the way I think I should. Granted, I am struggling with the language immensely, suffering at making tortillas, and physically being pushed by all the standing and bending over I'm doing. But all that aside, I feel so disconnected. I play with the kids and enjoy it, laugh with the workers and find pleasure in that, but when it comes down to it, I feel down. Being in another country is really going to teach me a lot about myself, I can just feel it.
So, here I am in San Andrés, Sajcabajá Guatemala on the journey of a lifetime, learning to live in the now, and accept how I feel. Why worry about the little things, right? Besides, no one ever said this was going to be a walk on the breezy side of life.